Lie #1: I know I said the blog previous to this was my LAST blog on this website... but THIS is actually the last blog on this website.
Lie #2: I mentioned that I would subscribe you guys to my new blogsite... but I came to find out that it was too difficult for me to sign up for you, because you have to approve the subscription. Hence, I have not been able to subscribe you to my new blog.
SO.. this is why I am sending out this blog. It would mean the world to me, if you subscribed to my new blog. It's actually very simple for you to do this. Just go to www.agendalove.com and click on the subscribe button on upper right side. ALSO a plus about this site.. You can manage how you receive the blog updates.. like a weekly update, instead of every time I post a blog (I know I can go a little blog happy=)
O.k.. now that I have confessed my transgressions to you...Here are two truths as to why you should subscribe.
Truth #1: One of the main goals, on this new site, is to pack it full of resources about sex trafficking, so that you can educate yourself, and educate the people in your circle of influence. Creating awareness is a HUGE weapon to combat the fight against this issue. So I want to make it easy for you to be a part of the fight, if you would like to.
Truth #2: Let's face it... I just want you in my life. In Thailand things can/will get lonely at times. It would be pretty neat to have your comment support, on the blogs I post. Also, I NEED your prayers, and you'll be able to know what and how to pray specifically for me. Also, you will know how to help support me financially, if you feel called to do that.
Thank you for being so gracious in forgiving me =)
I'm sitting alone in a dimly lit hostel room in Kalua Lampur, Malaysia listening to Audrey Assad, Hillsong United, and the likes. This is the eve of my return to America.
I'm not really sure how I feel, or how to fully express the thoughts going on inside of my head and heart. I wonder if I even feel anything at all right now. I'm a slow processor, and things tend to "hit me" at later periods than when it actually occurs.
So right now, I'm doing o.k. with emotions, but I know there is a lot of processing that has to take place, and I'm sure it will take me some time to fully process everything that God allowed me to see, go though, and be a part of these past 11 months.
There is one thing I know for sure.
When I joined the The World Race... I was broken. I was done with doing me, and hungry to do what God wanted. I had no idea where He would lead me, or what work He would do exactly, but I knew that my heart was in a broken, pliable position... ready to be restored, repaired, and redeemed.
Little did I know that I would leave the race with my heart not just in a broken position, but in an even MORE broken position.
I'm more broken, humbled, and desperate for Him, than I was when I started this 11 months ago.
God has brought me to a whole new level of trust in almost every aspect of my life.
It's another layer that God has peeled back, in this season of my life, to bring me deeper to Him, and draw me closer to His unfailing, faithful, and powerful love.
It's a painful season. One with so many uncertainties about the future, other than He's calling me to Thailand in October, and I'll be in America for a couple months. But beyond that.. I have no idea... I don't know how things will fall into place for my time in Thailand, or how everything will fall into place in other areas of my life. But I do know His word says to seek Him first.
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers½"most of
which are never even seen½"don't you think he'll attend to you, take
pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get
you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving.
People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things,
but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality,
God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll
find all your everyday human concerns will be met." -Matt 6:32-33
He's teaching me to be head over heels in love with the Giver, and not the gifts. To hold those gifts with open palms.
To rejoice when my brothers and sisters rejoice, and intercede for them when they need it.
To sing in my heart "God is so good" in the beautiful times, and the broken times... and truly mean it during both times.
If we allow Him.. He will use the broken times to lead us to the most beautiful stories of His faithfulness and jaw dropping works.
I have to say goodbye to many amazing people and things on The World Race, but I will not ever forget the lessons He has taught me through each part and person on this journey... (especially after I process more)
If this brokenness brings me to my knees, at my King's feet, then so be it. Because I know that all He does is good, and "I trust Him with all my heart." Psalm 28:7
He's bringing me into a season of "get ready to do a lot of work!" And I know that He will be my strength, and my help. There is a deep peace, and excitement bubbling inside for what is to come.
I can't thank you enough for all your prayer support and financial support as you ran this race with me. I am so honored to serve God, with you, and bring His truth and Kingdom to so many people around the world... but it doesn't end here.
Thailand is the next part of this life journey, and I would love for you to be a part of this next season with me as well. I have created a new blog site to chronicle the upcoming journey. I will not be posting up any more blogs on this world race page.
www.agendalove.com
I would love to add your name to the subscribers list, however if you do not want to receive new updates could you please respond back, in an email, with a "no thank you".
For my ministry in Thailand, I will be needing more prayer support than ever before, and financially I will need support as well. Please pray about being a part of either or both of those.
I'll end this blog with a quote from a 90's song.
"Closing time...every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"
My world race has now come to an end, but I remember when I first signed up for the world race, and I just could NOT comprehend how someone can fit their life for 11 months in ONE backpack... ludicrous. I'm a straight city girl.. born and raised in NYC.. the outdoor,
backpacking life was like another galaxy for me. And I had no idea what
the heck I would need to use in the bush of Africa, or the jungles of
Asia... So I wanted to be prepared for it ALL.
Packing light has always been a bit of a "challenge" for me (don't judge). And let me just preface this blog by saying that my squadmates have come to know me as the one with lots of bags.. and they are heavy! yikes... =x
SOOO my goal for writing this blog, is that you.. yes you future racer reading this blog, don't have to go through the same scorn, ridicule, and shaking of heads by your future squadmates. (btw.. I would like to give a special "thank you" shout out to every brother and sister on my squad who has carried a purse for me, and/or my duffel bag for me... it was EXTREMELY appreciated) =)
Yes, you read correctly.. a duffel bag. Let's start there.. I opted for a duffel bag that can be carried as a backpack the:
Samsonite Sport Bags and Duffles 24" Backpack Duffle
It was extremely useful for travel days and I was able to us it as a carry on. It turns into a backpack, which was pretty nifty.
Then I bought a smaller daypack, that I used for going out on ministry days. I opted for this one:
Gregory Maya Backpack - Women's - 1040cu
mostly because it was pretty pink (don't judge again). But it fits A LOT for a small daypack. That went inside my duffel often.
O.k. now the here are my BACKPACK tips:
1) FIRST MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF ADVICE: YOU CAN BUY CLOTHES EVERYWHEREEEEEEEEEEE Do NOT worry about whether you will have enough clothes or not. (especially if your route starts off in Asia *however, their clothes seem to be tailored to smaller sizes.. though most of it stretches). * Bring knee length shorts, skirts, and dresses.. 1 or 2 of each
would suffice. Believe me, it will save A LOT of headaches with
certain ministry contacts, and certain cultures. Also, it might be
difficult to find knee length items that fit you properly. Leggings are
always a GREAT clothes savior. And so are African wrappas... but you can get that there..
And not only that, but clothes are way CHEAPER.. unless you're in Ireland.
It's true.. bringing about a weeks worth of clothing really is sufficient. You can always pick stuff up along the way. So unless you have to get clothes especially made for you... fret not.
2) What you feel comfy wearing at home, bring on the race... (Except maybe heels.. though you may want to get those by the end of the race...again.. cheaper overseas) (I'm just starting to realize that this blog is prob more useful for ladies)
3)Bring one sweater for planes and cold climates.. Long sleeves.. 2 would be good to start.. again you can buy it overseas.
4) if you use Secret deodorant... GET enough for the 11 months.. 3 or 4.. there is NO Secret around the world.
5) Females you can find what you need, for those special times of the month, pretty much around the world, but prob not the brand you like.. however Tampax has made a name for itself... (yea.. def a ladies blog)
6) Inexpensive, but sturdy flip flops for showering. I got a pair form old navy.. and they were good to me for the 11 months.
7) Bug spray, and hand sanitizers were not in every country, but toiletries are. So unless you use something extremely specific, you don't have to worry about finding it.
8) Books.. but don't try to pack your bag with tons.. that was one of my downfalls early on the race.. I ended with two.
9) If you like to buy gifts for people, the duffel is a great place to store them... I may have stuffed a lil too much in mine =x... but I have a big family!
10) I bought two dry sacks for my electronics and important things, they were super helpful.
11) I still have my tent, though about half my squad dropped them. If you like to hammock, that's a good option. I tried to hammock, but it was a bit too foreign for me, and I didn't feel safe. So that's an extra weight in my pack. Don't make the same mistake.
12) I got a bug hut which was helpful sometimes, but a bug net would have sufficed. The bug hut is a bit bigger and bulkier to pack.
13) Triangleish items are the most annoying things to pack. Try to avoid them at all costs.
14) Stuff sacks were really useful in containing my clothes.
15) Some people brought knives and duct tape.. I brought neither. My teammates had knives, and I never had to use duct tape.
16) A small speaker to blast music from your comp or iPod. Impromptu dance parties with my squadmates, was often needed.
17) One of my best purchases for the race was a tiny umbrella. It was AWESOME, and I used it ALL the time. I preferred it over my rain jacket for going out during days and nights when there was rain. A lot of my squadmates used rainjackets though, and some others used neither.. Depends on how much you love/hate getting wet.
I hope this can shed some light... and light weight to your pack. Remember that every race experience is completely different. But these are basic things that I felt would be useful for you to know.
Just be at peace knowing that there are grocery stores, clothing stores, and internet ALL over the world. And be at peace knowing that what you truly NEED, God will provide anyways.
If you have any questions, feel free to email me.
I pray your race is as life transforming and heart wrecking as mine was. This is my new blogsite that will chronicle my time in Thailand www.agendalove.com. May you not come back the same way you left... and with a much lighter pack than mine =)
Friday was my last day serving a church, org or ministry... on The World Race
I wanted to just give you a little run down of the surreal (because yesterday was the one year anniversary of when I went to training camp for the race), and yet so real (because this race has been undoubtedly life- transforming) day.
This is Ben. He is the manager of all things Kawan. Sweet man who loves God dearly.He spoke a bit like the wise turtle from Kung Fu Panda. That is the breakfast that we serve the people with in the morning.
"Good morning".. "Welcome." (smile real big).. "How are you?"
After we served them breakfast, we broke off into various activities.. talking with them, cooking the lunch in the back, and a much needed task, that our team helped with, was finishing the last of the PAINTING upstairs. That is where future teams will be able to stay.
We got to work...
And we finished!
But what do you do with a pan full of paint, and no more walls left?
naturally....
It was a hard-working and fun, last day of ministry on The World Race. I would say it is a good representation of how the race has been for me this past year...
Hard-Work Messy Friends Fun Joy And a Whole New Wall..clean and ready for action
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful." 2 Tim 4:7
By His amazing grace alone...
What a race it has been.. thank you so much for running alongside me.
I head out to another part of Malaysia tomorrow, to meet up with the rest of the squad for debriefing and a couple days of rest.
Then I head back home to the states!
I'm sure I'll have a couple more blogs come out of me this last week.. especially since I have yet to reach my 8 blog quota for the month =)
My squadmate Will Diefenbach (williamdiefenbach.theworldrace.org) made this video about one of our days "teaching" two children..
this video may be worth watching if you have 2:44 and want to see random things...like me slipping and him banging his head on a lowered gate..enjoy. =)
"Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God." -Paul (Ephesians 4:2)
I'm back on my feet again, since this past Monday. God healed me! It's been awesome to be a part of the ministry to the homeless here in Penang, Malaysia.
This is the Kawaan Center, where the homeless of Penang, come to eat breakfast and lunch. There is a loft upstairs where they can sleep under a clean and secure shelter for a couple of hours. There are also showers, where they can rejuvenate themselves, and wash off the filth they accumulate from living on the streets.
This is Nigel. He is a mentally challenged homeless man...He has a heart of gold. And he's my friend.
While I was at the center, thoughts started filling my head, and tears started filling my eyes. I was thinking about the millions of homeless people all over the world, what their stories are, and if us Christians are doing our part in caring/providing opportunities for them?
God, despite my stubborness and pride, showed me, just a few years ago, that I'm called to the fight against the sex trade. I was stuck in my own selfish world for so many years before that. The scary thing, was that I thought I was being effective to others. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't..but I do know for sure, I was more concerned with my own personal agenda than fighting for someone's right to even have an agenda.
But the thought came to me "What about the other injustices that we are just letting slip us by? The ones we are simply turning our heads from?" "There is so much need in this world, is the body of Christ truly doing all we can to meet the needs?"
Last night, I went to a worship/intercessory prayer night, at a House of Prayer that was started here in Penang.
Please, hear my heart in this.. I am most definitely not judging, or condemning, or trying to make anyone feel guilty.. but this is what is going on in my life.. and I want to share what is so heavy on my heart.
During the prayer meeting, I just had this overwhelming ache and burden for believers around the world.. For us to RISE UP and live a life worthy of the calling that God has called us to.
I just kept on praying that God would give us the vision to get out of our own little bubbles and selfish agendas, and see the DESPERATE need around the world.. around the U.S... around our own backyards.
As you know, my right foot was out of commission for a week, and though one may think that it wouldn't affect a whole body.. it does.
My right foot hurt when I walked on my heel, so I had to walk on the ball of my foot. I had to put more weight onto my left leg. I injured my left knee, 3 years before, and it would start to ache because of the pressure I was putting on it. Not only that, but my right knee was slightly bent every time I tried to get around, which made it feel really sore. And above all. I wasn't able to function effectively and fully.
Are you an out of commission right foot? Or a healthy one?
Do you understand, that the calling God has placed on your life is affecting the entire body of Christ... all over the world?
On the other hand, it can very well also be debilitating the effectiveness of the fight, against the social injustices, that God has called us to be His hands and feet for.
What in the world is holding you back from following the calling God has placed in your life to change the world for His glory?
Is it finances, a relationship, stability, society's cultural norm, an addiction, unforgiveness, fear, pride, clothes, money, a career, success from an American viewpoint, etc... the list goes on and on...
What is it that is taking God's place in our hearts?
I pray that God's Spirit will not let any of us rest until our hearts are beating for, and passionately pursuing the things that God is passionate for... Love, hope, salvation, righteousness, and justice.
Do you have to go overseas to do that!? NO!
You can very well do it in the career you have right now...by using the talents God has given you, by the circle of influence you have, the resources you have, the income you have accumulated... none of us can put God in a box.
But would you be willing to go anywhere He asks you to go, and do anything he asks you to do? May God give us the strength to say yes, and the will to obey.
When even one body part isn't doing it's part, the entire body cannot be fully effective..
There is SOoooooo much need in the world..
You don't need to be called.. the need IS the calling.
Get alone time with God, find out what part He has called you to be, and go for it! You're part is so crucial, whether it be a voice, giftings and talents, prayer support, financial support, or a whole other path of life...
Paul is begging us, (someone who begs is desperate, they have no shame, they are at the mercy of the other person's will, at their ropes end) to live a life worthy of that calling.
His desperation is calling out to our complacency.. may God give us the revelation we need to see the state of the world...and may that "revelation call us to action"- Josh Yeoh from Penhop.
May our hearts be distraught until we have peace in the calling God has led us to.. no matter where it leads us.
"... we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and
more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its
own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body
is healthy and growing and full of love." -Ephesians 4:15-16
For the sake of the hurting, oppressed, and outcast in this world... be healthy..be full of love...and move...
I just want the world (o.k. the blog world) to take a minute and gaze at the beauty that is my mama:
Not only is she beautiful on the outside, but her character is just as stunning. It's difficult to find words to describe her. But the words that come to mind are:
My mom was not handed life on a silver platter. She was born in Nicaragua (a third world country), actually it was a miracle that she was even born because my grandmother got shot... yes with a gun... near the stomach when my mother was in her womb. God has saved her, miraculously, a couple of times throughout her life.
I have many wonderful memories of my mom, while I was growing up..but there is one thing that has been seared deep in my soul... her worship to God.
I would always see her singing songs to Him, tears streaming down her face, with ALL her heart. No doubt it's a response to her gratitude for His faithfulness, mercy, and love that she has seen in her life.
I look up to my mother like no other woman.
She is my dance partner (for impromptu merengue dance sessions at home), my best friend, my number one encourager, and my confidant.
I am so blessed to have this amazing woman as a role model, but even more blessed to have her as my mama.
I'm so thankful to God for her, and I love her with all my heart.
Since I'm not home, the least I can do is dedicate this blog to her. I wish I could do so much more.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a little busy bee. Being on my feet is a necessity for me. I mean, of course I need my "bum it at home" days, but I really love being outside and exploring and being on the go go go...
I often feel like the little white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland who scurries along singing "I'm late, I'm late, I'm really really really late...no time to say hello.. goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!".
I was especially excited for my team's ministry here in Malaysia. There is SO much to do here, and the culture in Malaysia is so diverse and interesting. There is a large Indian and Chinese influence here. When you walk down the streets here you hear Indian music blasting from the speakers, it makes you feel like you are in a Bollywood movie. And I LOVE it. I'm just waiting for everyone in the streets to break out into synchronized belly dancing... that would be a dream come true..
But if it has happened out on the streets of Penang, Malaysia, I wouldn't know... because I haven't been out there for a couple of days.
I sprained/strained a muscle/ligament in my right foot ( I think it was a combination of cheap no support flip flops, walking and "of course"). Honestly, I forgot what the doctor said because all that consumed my thoughts was "I recommend you stay off of it for a while." Pow! Blow to the wild child, busy bee inside of me...
So, though I was planning on finishing the last three weeks of the race working as hard as possible, and not being consumed with any thoughts, or much rest... God has chosen otherwise.
At first it was a bit frustrating. You know... the usual questions come in like " Why?!.. I'm so close to the end.. I wanted to finish strong.."
God has put me in this situation before with a sprained knee ligament three years ago.. It was a hard time for me to literally "be still" then, and when I heard the news again..the all too familiar sinking feeling came back.
"Oh no.. here come the barrage of thoughts, wonderings, "what if's", and "hows?".. Lord I didn't want to think!!!!!"
But I have to say.. this time has been extremely different. I have a peace in my mind and heart that I can't explain, and I have a joy that is coming from me seeking Him with all my heart every day for hours upon hours. It has been the greatest blessing for me.
I have been able to start processing the past 11 months, preparing for the future, and learning more about God in the present.
I've been able to serve my fellow lady squadmates who have been on the go non-stop, I have been reading books that are continuing to challenge me in areas, and spark new ideas in my thinking, and I have been able to sit and play guitar to my King.
I guess God had a different idea of me finishing strong...
I'm once again humbled by His ideas being so much better than mine.
He's such a wonderful Dad.
I still have two weeks left, and I'm still hoping to be a part of the Kawaan ministry here, but if not, I know I'm exactly where I need to be right now..
It was extremely useful for travel days and I was able to us it as a carry on. It turns into a backpack, which was pretty nifty. 
mostly because it was pretty pink (don't judge again). But it fits A LOT for a small daypack. That went inside my duffel often.
